Enter The Official Sizzling Saucer Lady Report

OSSLR Vs. Coyote Planet Disclaimer Dispute

Since adding the "small print/disclaimer" mentioned on the Entrance Page, CoyotePlanet Internet Industries' Legal Department contacted the OSSLR regarding our "link" contract. Since this contact several other disputes and discrepances have come about. There have been nine (9) updates regarding the OSSLR/CoyotePlanet situation, so far.

Update #1: "CoyotePlanet Claims of OSSLR Ownership"

While the contract allows CoyotePlanet Internet Industries to link to the OSSLR via a banner ad as part of "Coyote's Faith Partnership Sites", they now state that CoyotePlanet Internet Industries now owns 91.5% of the OSSLR via this contract. The legal department also added that Coyote defines all that is true.

The OSSLR denies that CoyotePlanet owns any part of CoyotePlanet, the OSSLR, or any speck of dust in the universe. Denies that Coyote has the ability to define all that is true. The OSSLR also claims that there was no contract. There was only a loose verbal agreement made over lunch to exchange links, and no ownership exchanges were discussed.

The OSSLR's legal department is now preparing to sue CoyotePlanet Internet Industries. Please check back for further updates.

Update #2: "Coyote Comments on Law Suit"

Dear Webmistres of the OSSLR,

Two households, both alike in dignity.
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

While lawsuits have flown like scraps of paper, tossed by some mighty tempest between our two Internet empires, in the end, it amounts to no loss to either fair house, as we both serve the same master - Me. It is, however excellent publicity as the lemminglike public aligns itself behind one or the other of us with fierce and dogged, and shall we add, meaningless loyalty, while we reap the benefits together.

While I am sure that you will never precisely recall the 91.5% ownership agreement into which we entered, I am pleased that you've come to grips with it. As for myself, I'm more and more convinced that the entire negotiating process was a hallucinatory one on my part, having occured after a sound thrashing by Lady E's potent "Broom of Doom." Obviously, the corporate philosophy of CoyotePlanet Internet Industries makes no clear distinction between reality and fantasy, so its hallucinatory nature is a moot point anyway.

I actually began to suspect that the buyout negotion process was largely a hallucinatory experience when I realized that the establishment, "Mr. K's Gummery," in which we dined and discussed the terms of the negotiations, and which was also located within a closet in our home which I had not noticed prior to this, and which was quite reminiscent of the "Korova Milkbar" in A Clockwork Orange, and our waiter was Fred Flintstone, no longer actually existed when I attempted to eat there again the next day. The closet now contained only winter jackets.

Professor Coyote

Update #3: "OSSLR blames Gliese for the Law Suit"

If Gliese (and others) had used their eyes and their common sense, thereby distinguishing between the two internet organizations, then CoyotePlanet Internet Industries and the OSSLR would not be in any legal conflict whatsoever. Therefore, "We shall pursue Gliese with all legal vigor!" Also, from now on, all blame of misunderstandings will be placed on the visitor. The OSSLR will never be held accountable for any and all "visitor" problems or misconceptions.
Update #4: "Coyote exploits the OSSLR Profits!"

Coyote is an admirer of many things Canadian. While expressing his admiration of the country to his evil Canadian friend BSR and the public, he explains how his profits from the OSSLR will be used in that country.

"As you may have read in the film trade magazines, I am producing a fine Canadian film with the profits derived from my controlling interest in [the OSSLR]. I have raised over $19.00 US ($.0.67 Canadian) to finance the project. It will star Canadian superstar, William Shatner in all roles, as he has promised to work for Molson Beer, which is given away free here by the U.S Department of Agriculture, for use in killing garden slugs. The film itself concerns angry, frustrated, Ontario factory worker, Ian MacDonald, who one day becomes so enraged over seeing French/English traffic signs, that he erupts in an explosion of Canadian rage and fury, and savagely vandalizes stop signs by X'ing out the French."

The OSSLR's comment, "We could have used that money for a Pizza Party. Bummer!"

Update #5: "Standing_in_the_Door and his Guerrillas attack the OSSLR in a take over attempt."

     "Normally, guerrillas picking their own targets, allowed to develop their own tactics, and even stategy do NOT pick low-value targets. And they would be no more likely to embark upon adventures with no defined end-state (or end-game, as modern non-guerrillas say). They leave that sort of ineptness to their non-guerrilla higher-ups, especially those of the civillian persuasion.
     "However, this situation is abnormal. After years of being dog-face soldiers (I wouldn't give a bean to be a fancy-pants marine; I'd rather be a dog-face soldier like I am. I wouldn't trade my old B.D.'s for all the Navy's dungarees; For I'm the walking pride of Uncle Sam! etc.), guerrillas find it tempting to bring their soldiering to bear against a dog (to use an Eagleism, wherein Coyote and Lady E are referred to as 'Dog and Dog's'). What's more, guerrillas know their abilities are out-of-this-world and welcome the opportunity to test them against adversaries who are literally from out of this world.
     "Also, guerrillas know that idiotic decision making is highly regarded by their non-guerrilla higher-ups (who have been briefly mentioned above), and think it's about time they finally got an atta-boy from the poop that has floated to the top.
"In short: Drop you ray-gun and come out with your tentacles in the air!"

The few OSSLR employees (who didn't flee during Standing's wordy speech) were taken hostage. Seconds later, they were saved by The Alien, SSL, who destroyed all the guerrillas and sent Standing_in_the_Door running with his tail between his legs. Just before her attact with bright blinding light pouring out of SSL's twenty-six eyes, she was heard bellowing: "I'll show you, bag-of-water, who has out-of-this-world abilities."

It is unknown if Coyote had anything at all to do with this attack on the OSSLR.

Update #6: "Coyote needs more OSSLR Profits!"

Coyote and The OSSLR have been in deep discussion about the future of this website. The following is an exerpt from those discussions:
Uncle Coyote, "I fully agree that more people should visit your website, as, being the controlling shareholder in your site, I am a bit disappointed in my Fiscal Year 2002 earnings of $0.00 derived from revenue generated by your site. Unless you're holding out on me. I'll get to the bottom of this - I assure you. ;-)"

The OSSLR's comment, "Our evil overlord, Coyote, is sick & twisted. He convienently forgot collecting his OSSLR earnings. His controling interest in this site is more evil than any extraterrestrial master plan could ever be. While The OSSLR would like more cyber-visitations, maybe, just maybe, visitors should stay away from the OSSLR, for now."

Update #7: "How does Uncle Coyote views the OSSLR?"

While discussing the future projects for the CoyotePlanet Internet Industries, Coyote blurted out:
      "Uncle Coyote has attained the great wisdom that only age can bring, and he understands that others are not important, that others are entirely irrelevant, and that only his own happiness matters.
      "This is not to say that Uncle Coyote is not charitable. He provides massive funding for essentially money losing OSSLR, an organization said to be sympathetic to hostile activities by alien creatures desiring to raising humans as farm animals for food, or lusting for Earth women upon which to perform unspeakable experiments."

The OSSLR's comment, "Coyote loves to mislead his stockholders, his employees, and the public about the function of and the profits generated by the OSSLR. Does he do this to provide controversy about the site and therefore give the site better name recognition? NO. He does this because he is EVIL. The OSSLR is urgently seeking to cut all ties between CoyotePlanet and the OSSLR."

Update #8: "Rev. Prof. Coyote misleads his followers!"

Because SSL made a completely true and factual statement:
Coyote = incompletely insane.
Coyote spouted off the following rubbish, slightly based on the truth:
Dear SSL,

  • Insane? Moi?

      A rather odd statement coming from someone (something) who (which) describes herself (itself) in some detail here as a thirteen eyed, thirteen tentacled, sushi eating, unphotographable alien of some sort, but who is, to all appearances, a Southern California beach hottie who is often seen partying with Emilio Estevez, of Repo Man fame, and who not only has been successfully photographed in her supposedly adopted Southern California, land of surfing and extravagant Hollywood bashes, kinda home, but who has actually starred in at least one motion picture....
To view the falsified evidence, click here.
Update #9: "SSL Vs. Coyote!"

Sizzling Saucer Lady wrote:
Damn you for having such a great forum. I must destroy you. But how? Well it will come when you least expect it, and it will be slow.


Dear Puny One,

You would do well to not make idle threats. CoyotePlanet Internet Industries is now well poised to become the most powerful entity in the universe. I have researched this completely, and have discovered no known physical laws which could stop me. At present, all that stands between me and complete domination, and yes, enslavement, of all of time and space are:

  • $3.5^1025 to begin the project. I may try for a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts or I may appeal to the City of Redding's seemingly infinite "Inappropriately Lavish Offices For City Officials Fund."

  • An army of thirty trillion mind controlled super-warriors with the ability to strike at targets at any point in time or space.

Arnold Schwartzeneggar's seeming stranglehold on the California Governorship bids well. I am sure that, as a nearly invincible robotic warrior from the future, my plans will please him.

Therefore, SSL, you are faced with but two choices: You are my ally, or you are my enemy. As an ally, you may, if I am so inclined, be allowed to rule...um...San Diego. If you are my enemy, you will be employed, at substandard wages and no benefits, as a boneskeeper in my charnel house in Los Molinos.


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Updated: Aug 14, 2003
Formated Feb 28, 2003
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